More alternate HPVII endings.

This bit is from Meg Rosoff's:

Harry, sedated on Mogadon and Prozac, borrows a broomstick from one of the cleaners, and chugs slowly across the Atlantic towards the picturesque English country church at which the christening is being held. Despite the alleged urgency of his mission, he stops at the Dog and Duck pub, using the sacred A Few Years Older spell to order a pint and a packet of pork scratchings. Through his drug-and-beer induced haze, he notices Lord Voldemort's Dark Mark hanging over the church. A high wailing from within the church convinces Harry that he has, at long last, come to the final showdown with Lord Voldemort. However, it is actually the sound of the cute twins. Harry slays them by mistake. Or is it?

Ron and Hermione discover that the babies Harry slew by mistake were not real babies, rather, twin embodiments of pure evil, and the friends reconcile. With a few phone calls, they arrange for Lord Voldemort to be put in charge of parking and roadworks in London. The job fits him so perfectly that he leaves the rest of mankind in peace forever.

More (from Chris Bohjalian, Jeannie Birdsall and Gregory Maguire) at the Globe.