Death by Pitchfork. The Winner.

And the winning haiku is by our favorite anti-emo kid (who, I must say, is in danger of the hamster button due to the lack of recent posts on her blog):

laser eyed scarecrows,
obligatory black guy,
copious nipples:

dark harvest's acting
will scare the crop out of you.
pun intentional.

I've got to give points to Lauren for the Cillian Murphy one, though.  You totally get honorable mention for this:

Cillian Murphy:
not a pitchfork killer but
I'm sure he will be soon.

Briana, I'll need your new mailing address, assuming you have one.  Or I'll give you your new copy of Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time to you the next time I see you.  (But getting mail is fun).