Why aren't children's book events more like this?

From the New York Daily News:

He called his nemesis something unprintable. Dechert responded in kind. Then, according to the definitive account by Gawker.com correspondent Neel Shah, "Spiegelman proceeded to lightly bump Dechert, initiating some sort of violent lambada, but Dechert refused to shove back. … Not one to back down from a challenge, Marty McFly Spiegelman proceeded to shove Dechert with both hands."

I want to see a fight between Melvin Burgess and Anne Fine.  Or JKR and Harold Bloom.  Or Philip Pullman and anyone.