Carter Finally Gets It -- Brent Crawford

Will Carter: High school freshman.  Owner of the laziest nickname ever, despite all his efforts to get a new one. Prone to distraction, due to his ADD. Second string right guard on the football team, but with dreams of being the kicker -- that way, he wouldn't have to go to practice. Unable to attain coherent thought or speech around the ladies, especially if they're showing any skin. Virgin.

Related to that last fact, from Carter himself:

Homecoming is in three days, and since I don't have a date and may never get a girlfriend, I've decided to invest in a porno. Nutt's brother, Bart, sold it to me for thirty-five dollars. It's at least twenty years old, and it's a copy of a copy of a poor-quality videotape. There's no sound and it's stuck on fast-forward, but you can make out that people are definitely doing the nasty on it really, really fast. Nutt calls it a "research tape." I watch it in the basement because that's where we have the old VCR, and nobody goes down there. The last thing I need is for my dad to stroll in and see me abusing myself to lightning-fast pornographic images. Military school will become a reality faster than those people are doing it.

Carter Finally Gets It doesn't have the usual plot-plot-plot-climax-wind-down arc. It reads more as a year-in-the-life-of-Carter -- complete with romance, serious loss of blood, cops, football, the theater and a stolen bicycle*.

I'm going to be really, really sad if there isn't a follow-up to this one. Because, wow. I loved Carter, I loved his family, and I loved this book. Carter is raunchy and hilarious**, but also sweet, real, surprising, fresh and believable***.

Sorry that this is so short, but sometimes it's hard to go on and on and on about something when I love everything about it. I wish we had WonkaVision. Then I could just hand the book over. Because that's what I'd like to do.

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*Just thinking about the stolen bicycle has me giggling all over again.

**The scene where he's on a movie date and battling a massive Taco Bell fart? Way gross and yet made me stop reading because I was laughing so hard.

***Looking back at the first few pages, I dimly remember doubting some things about his voice at first, but clearly that changed. Because I didn't ever remember feeling like that until I flipped back to the beginning.

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Book source:  My local library.