A Non-Murder Cat story from the Murder Cat House.

Okay. So. Yesterday, Josh was in the workshop, er... working... when he heard something shuffling and snorfling around behind him.

So he investigated, and found a baby squirrel.

Which wasn't hugely surprising, given that the shop is pretty much infested with squirrels.

(Seriously, on sunny days they go out on the roof and bask and look like big gray furry slugs and it's weirdly hilarious. On rainy days, they stay inside and, like, throw acorns and scraps of wood at Josh's head because... it's entertaining, I guess? I don't know.)

So he picked it up and put it back into the rafters where the squirrels live.

Because nature.

But.

Then.

Today, he was in the shop, and the baby squirrel was on the floor AGAIN and it was ALONE and clearly in DISTRESS. And Josh is the most Animal Person who has ever Animal-Personed, so he picked it up and brought it to the vet and LONG STORY SHORT, Josh is now A SQUIRREL MAMA.

Fred loves his Pedialyte.

Quote: "Man, people love baby animals. I could have gotten so many dates at the vet's office."

Post-Pedialyte, Fred is a maniac. And then he crashes out.

I don't even have a caption for this, it's pretty much my entire home life in one picture.

Going forward: Fred might stay with us until it's time to Go Free, or Fred might go to the local Wildlife Refuge. I'd say—based on my Josh Knowledge and based on the amount of How to Responsibly Raise a Squirrel Research done this evening—that the chances of Fred going to the Refuge are at about 5%. So yes, I just ordered him a copy of A Boy Called Bat.

But what, you want to know, about the Murder Cats? Well. They are certainly intrigued. But we have Fred safely—and ironically, I guess?—stowed in a cat carrier, and I bossed them into a different room during Fred's most recent feeding. And they're currently crashed out in different corners of the living room. So I think things will be okay in that department.

OKAY THAT'S ALL FOR NOW FURTHER BULLETINS AS EVENTS WARRANT