Weekend Watching: More Christmas Horror!
Movie poster: To All a Goodnight (1980)
I was on the Puzzle Train this weekend, so didn’t get very many movies in—it’s hard to actively watch anything while doing a puzzle, since you’re just staring at a pile of cardboard instead of at the television—but we did manage to squeeze in two more Christmas Horror movies, which, after last weekend, brings our current seasonal total to SEVEN:
To All a Goodnight (1980, watched on Amazon Prime):
A group of girls stay at their California finishing school for the holiday break, all for different reasons, but mostly because they’ve got a bunch of dudes flying in via a Tiny Plane—because finishing school-type kids have planes, I guess—for an adult-free party. But then, oh no, a Killer Santa starts picking them off!
There were boobs before the ten-minute mark, which is often a sign of True Quality in a horror movie.
(There’s a lot to giggle about here—how much would these girls really talk about STEW?; actors walking around in what is clearly broad daylight, but pretending it’s pitch dark out, etc.; ENDLESS make-out scenes that do nothing for the plot or characterization or even get the actors naked—but there are some genuinely disconcerting moments, too. I’m looking at you, detective-with-a-penchant-for-gently-stroking-the-Final-Girl’s-face).
Long story short, I wouldn’t throw a fit if Josh wanted to watch it again.
Oh! Also! I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why the Final Girl was so very very familiar, so I looked her up and she was in the original Ghostbusters—she was one of the students in Bill Murray’s ESP experiment!!
Oh! Also also! The Harbinger character in this one—you know how a lot of slashers feature a weirdo towards the beginning who tells the characters that they’re all DOOMED, but no one ever believes them until it’s too late?—is named RALPH. Which is weird/fun, because the Harbinger character in the original Friday the 13th—which also came out in 1980—was ALSO named Ralph.
Anyway, now I want a movie that’s just about a bunch of Harbinger-types, preferably all named Ralph.
…these are the things I think about, sorry.
Movie poster: 36•15 Code Pere Noel (1989)
36•15 Code Père Noël (1989, watched on Shudder):
French movie about a super-rich nine-year-old who lives in a GIGANTIC mansion with his loyal dog, his beloved-and-frail grandfather, and his very driven (but loving) super-rich mother.
Mom runs a department store & fires one of their Père Noëls after he attacks a child who insults him… so one thing leads to another, and Père Noël goes after her kid.
Her kid, though, is a legit genius who has rigged the entire house with booby traps FOR FUN.
AND he has cameras all over the place in the hopes of finally proving that Santa is real.
AND he can control most of the electronics in the house with—wait for it—an armband thingie that he designed and built himself.
Also, he is capable of both fixing a car AND DRIVING IT even though he is, as I said, nine years old.
ALSO BONNIE TYLER WROTE A PERFORMED A REAL DOWNER OF A CHRISTMAS BALLAD SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS MOVIE, WHAAAAT.
Some people—including the director—claim that this movie is where the idea for Home Alone came from. Which… after watching it, well, I certainly see why?
This is the second one we’ve watched this holiday season that features a somewhat sympathetic murderous Santa—I felt bad for the guy in Christmas Evil, too—and I think it’s because they’re both characters who have some childlike tendencies and have both had something snap in their brain somewhere. Basically, their horribleness almost feels not entirely malicious, if that makes sense?
Even with the complete bizarreness of everything about this movie—very much including the Bonnie Tyler sequence and all the other music—I found this movie weirdly emotionally engaging? Like, I was genuinely worried about the kid and his grandpa, and ALSO felt pretty bad for our villain?? I truly do not know how we had missed this one until now, so thanks to the Joe Bob Saves Christmas special (charity auction site here) for bringing it to us.
NOTE: The dog dies, and it is terrible. (I’d argue that it’s actually necessary, because the kid witnesses it and so IMMEDIATELY knows that this is all For Real and he and grandpa are in mortal danger, etc., etc., but it is ROUGH.)
But what, you ask, did I have on in the background while working on my puzzle?
It’s perfect because it’s more dialogue-driven, so I can largely follow it even if I’m not watching-watching, and delightful because every time I look up, there’s some amazing fashion and/or decor and/or an actor that I didn’t expect to see?
Peter Falk is, of course, awesome, and he’s always Bringing Down Rich Jerks, and so it’s all very very weirdly soothing. (And also very very satisfying when Columbo reveals What He Knows and the villain is usually just like, WELP YA GOT ME, and there’s no yelling or denying or anything, they’re just like, SIGH, TIME TO GO TO PRISON, I GUESS.)
As I think I’ve said before, I am clearly getting closer and closer to achieving my Final Form as an 8000-year-old lady, and I’m INTO IT.
