Weekday Watching: Joan Crawford edition.
Movie poster: Harriet Craig (1950)
I’d hoped to fit in more, but only managed to watch three Joan Crawford movies this week—we had a snow day on Thursday, which threw me off because we watched MORE Christmas horror movies, which I’ll round up separately.
(I mean, *if* you’re lucky I will, har har.)
Joan Crawford! Very probably not a very nice person, but a hell of an actress.
Even when she was in things like Trog—in which she plays a Lady Scientist who is involved with the discovery of what she thinks is the Missing Link and honestly has to be seen to be believed, especially after you’ve seen her in a true masterpiece like Mildred Pierce—that required her to deliver some of the more absurd dialogue that I’ve ever heard, she didn’t phone it in. (Then again, some accounts say that she was drunk during a lot of the filming on that one, so maybe that “helped”? Regardless, it’s an amazing movie. Although maybe remember that “amazing” means different things to different people.)
But that’s enough of that, I’m probably just blathering on about things you already know.
Harriet Craig (1950, watched on Criterion):
Based on the same play as Dorothy Arzner’s 1936 film Craig’s Wife (<—LOVE), this one follows Joan Crawford as Harriet Craig, a controlling, manipulative woman and wife who goes a few (<—UNDERSTATEMENT OMG) steps too far and ends up losing everything.
(Well, she loses all the people in her life, but she’s still got the house & financial security, so she’ll probably be fine. Uh, spoiler, I guess. But it’s about the journey, not the destination, etc., etc. Also it’s seventy years old.)
Of the two versions I’ve seen—and there’s a third I want to track down!—I prefer the Arzner, I think. In Harriet Craig, there are a few subplots that get added—I suspect to make the title character BOTH more AND less sympathetic—and the result was that at the end, I basically CHEERED when her husband (and everyone else) was like, HOLY COW, SCREW YOU, LADY.
Whereas in Craig’s Wife, when Rosalind Russell’s husband left her, I was like, “Oh, she’ll be fine. Now she’s got the house to herself and if she ever gets lonely, she can hang out with Glinda the Good Witch next door.” (Billie Burke plays her neighbor.)
But they’re both hugely enjoyable.
I mean, if you like watching ladies in great clothes swan around being monsters.
Which I do.
Movie poster: Queen Bee (1955)
Queen Bee (1955, watched on Criterion):
Another one in which Joan Crawford plays a monster!
Southern gothic/noir melodrama in which she torments her whole family—husband, sister-in-law, cousin—just… because?? Her actions lead to alcoholism, broken hearts, suicide, murder, more suicide… and also there is a child who may be clairvoyant??
Basically, her young cousin comes to visit, and it’s quite clear that Joan Crawford’s entire family haaaaates her (Joan Crawford, not the cousin), but the cousin can’t for the life of her figure out WHY, because Joan Crawford just seems so NICE.
Yeah, it’s all an act.
It takes a while—at first the cousin just thinks everyone is being hateful and unfair, then she thinks Joan Crawford is misunderstood, but FINALLY the cousin sees it.
At one point towards the end—after the cousin officially Gets It—there is a scene in which Joan Crawford hauls off and SLAPS the cousin so hard that I yelped. Like, she really, REALLY winds up, and it was almost surprising that the cousin’s head didn’t pop right off.
(Which led to a whole train of thought about Dramatic Movie Slaps and how much I love them, but as usual, I digress.)
AND OH MY GOD—honestly this might have been the biggest kick for me—her sister-in-law is played by Betsy Palmer, who plays Mrs. Voorhees (Jason’s mom) in the original Friday the 13th!! !!! !!!!!
Her voice is EXACTLY the same, so even though she’s super-young and wandering around in an adorable riding outfit—vest, slim pants, etc.—you’d TOTALLY spot her even if you didn’t recognize her real name in the credits.
(Well, I mean… you will if you’ve seen Friday the 13th eight billion times, which I have. But I was also watching for her because I *DID* recognize her name because I have a weird superpower for remembering actor names. ANYWAY. BETSY PALMER OMG!!)
AND FINALLY—I saved the BEST FOR LAST—I also watched… drum roll…
Movie poster: Strait-Jacket (1964)
Strait-Jacket (1964, watched on Criterion):
SPEAKING OF HEADS POPPING OFF!!
AHHHHHHHHH, a lot people dismiss this as schlock, but is was so ridiculously up my alley that I can see myself watching it a million more times.
Also maybe I just LIKE schlock, okay???
Let’s set the stage:
This was written by Robert Bloch, who also wrote Psycho.
This came out four years after Psycho.
The movie begins with Joan Crawford coming home one night, discovering that her husband has hooked up with some other lady… and then axe murdering them both while their small daughter looks on in horror.
Fast forward twenty years.
Joan Crawford has been released from the institution she’s been in and goes to live on a farm with her brother, sister-in-law, and (now all grown up) daughter, played by Diane Baker.
BUT THEN—SURPRISE—THE KILLINGS START AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
And when I say the killings start again, I mean that there is a scene in this movie where a young George Kennedy is just somewhat mildly standing there—he plays a sort of Typical Creepy And Dishonest Hired Hand type—and an axe comes into the frame and HIS. HEAD. GOES. FLYING.
It is amazing.
So amazing that I rewound and watched it like sixteen more times before proceeding with the rest of the movie, I just.
AMAZING.
AMAZING!!
Anyway, Joan Crawford whipsaws between being really unsure and sad and hopeful and so on… and completely off-the-wall and somewhat terrifying.
I don’t know, I wonder if people dismiss her more genre movies more because they’re genre and not, like, Serious Dramas, than because they’re actually bad? Because this one is truly bonkers, but I’d argue that both she and Diane Baker are both pretty great in it? (And so was George Kennedy, even before the whole head thing. OH! And Diane Baker’s fiancé’s mother! She’s so mean, I love her.)
On a story level, it goes pretty much exactly where you’d expect it to go—it even has same structure as Psycho where you get a Big Explanation at the end—and it certainly gives you all the clues you need to figure out what’s going on. But, again, more destination than journey.
ALSO. Check out the Columbia logo at the end:
Headless Columbia logo at the end of Strait-Jacket
